Lancelot and Guinevere
The love story of Sir Lancelot and Guinevere is a beautiful, albeit tragic one. Even though it doesn’t end too well (her husband found out, separated the two, and had them live their lives unhappily ever after), the kind of love they had for each other is quite enviable. Girls often dream of knights and kings whisking them away. But, does it ever happen? Hardly. But, this does beg the question, how does dating look at SSE, the place where we spend so much of our precious time, and where we desperately focus our search for love?
“Sitting in the atrium under the cold, depressing light of the overhead lamps, you might let dreamy thoughts distract you from the R-code you have been fighting with for the last hour. You notice the pretty brunette sitting at the table next to you, showing signs of an oncoming emotional breakdown as they desperately flick through the pages of their second-hand Marketing book. You wonder how you haven’t seen this person in the Aula before, or at the Rotundan (you conveniently forget that you are always half asleep at lectures, and always heavily intoxicated at Rotis after-parties). The image of the last Rotunda party pops into your head, flushing you with embarrassment as you vaguely remember the person you exchanged sloppy, drunken kisses with. You shudder, wondering why your knight in shining armor is waiting so long to come rescue you from all these situationships, one-night stands, and failed relationships.”
I am fairly certain that the scenario described above is familiar to us all. On the very first day of attending SSE you will hear several times:
“During your studies here, you will have 7.500010346 relationships on average, and many will even find their future spouse.”
At the time, this fills you with hope and excitement as you look around at the handsome boys and girls, trying to catch the eye of that one person you noticed before. Obviously, this excitement doesn’t last long.
Nowadays, even though we have more freedom than ever before, dating is just as hard as it was for Guinevere. Of course we don’t face execution if we cheat, but with the advent of social media, anyone can be publicly crucified both off- and online. The freedom we have might even give some decision paralysis; the truth being that many of us don’t know what we want, and if we do, we wouldn’t know how to get it. Considering the claim of finding 7.5391982000 relationships during our studies at SSE, is it even remotely true? And what do we consider relationships? If we include drunken hookups and one-night stands, I'm sure that number would be around 7.5999045721001. But how many people do actually find the Lancelot to their Guinevere at SSE, and how did they do that?
I was curious to hear from other students, so I listened to what people at school had to say: people everywhere between single as a pringle and happily coupled up. Even though everyone is unique and has different dating preferences, most people seem to share some similar experiences. And not all are good.
As is the case with virtually any club, the Rotunda is the perfect breeding ground for the lonely, heart-broken, and/or hormone-fuelled SSE student to mingle and let loose a little bit. However, the dark corners and the packed dance floor leave room for some questionable behavior. Most girls I talked to describe Rotunda parties as a place where they are always at risk of being inappropriately touched, grinded or hit on by people they would not normally entertain. Countless regrettable kisses have happened between people who, in their sober-minds, would not have engaged with each other. The level of alcohol consumed is further often correlated with how much regret people feel the day after.
The magic of alcohol is such that it lowers our inhibitions, making us act in ways we don’t really want to. It also leaves us vulnerable to those around us, and their intentions. Looking around at a SASSE (and, admittedly, any other) party, it is not hard to spot couples on and around the dance floor making out. Aggressively. Many of these couples seem heavily intoxicated. On these occasions I ask myself, what is really going on there? It is impossible to know if both parties are actually enjoying what they are engaging in, especially since one or both of them are visibly drunk. A tinge of worry arises, as I remember the time my friend was kissed by a guy she didn’t like or even know, but her alcohol-soaked and confused mind made her unable to say no; or the time another friend got handed a beer that probably contained some questionable substances that made him nauseous, dizzy, barely conscious and had to be taken care of by others (an extremely vulnerable situation); or the countless times people have felt entitled to touch me and my friends inappropriately on the dance floor.
Someone might say, “Oh, but this only happens at shabby clubs”, while others would comment, “But this is normal, it's just part of party culture.” Both of these responses are wrong; the above mentioned, and many similar scenarios, took place at SASSE parties, and were done by students. So the notion that such behavior is unheard of at a prestigious and noble institution such as SSE not only reflects the privilege of the speaker of not having gone through such uncomfortable experiences, but also the underlying prejudiced assumption that people who attend this institution are somehow morally superior to the general public.
The quest to find love, our holy grail, is not an easy one, not even in this modern age. The development of how we do it, and the liberation we as humans have gained in the past century, is amazing. This should never be taken for granted, especially as other parts of the world still uphold traditions that stigmatize sex and punish people, mostly women, for exploring their sexuality. But, we shouldn’t let our pride in the liberal and sexually free society we have here in Sweden and at SSE blind us from the fact that it is very easy to find ourselves in situations where we don’t really feel comfortable, maybe driven by an inability to say no and/or a pressure to act on the sexuality that we have fought so long to be able to accept. Drinking alcohol is an integral part of partying, which is not a problem per se. However, it is hard to see past the fact that consuming alcohol leaves us more vulnerable, in an environment already geared towards developing sexual and romantic relations and where those lines are naturally a bit blurred. The official statistics the school provides show 22 cases of sexual harassment between 2015 and 2021, alcohol being a factor in a majority of them. Averaging 3.5 reported cases every year is an issue. It is dangerous to disregard the fact that most of them happen in alcohol related situations, and I believe that it’s not far-fetched to assume that those situations usually occur in a party setting. And let’s not forget that these are only the cases that were reported. Maybe it might be interesting to think of how high these numbers would be if all instances where someone was put in an uncomfortable and unwelcome situation were actually reported.
The conclusion I wish to make is that casual dating, hookups and kisses in the Rotunda are awesome and lovely, if no boundaries are crossed and everyone involved is truly comfortable with what is going on. If someone kisses you and you just go along because it’s a party and that's what you do, or because you just feel confused and don’t really know what you want or what is going on so you let it happen, that is not awesome and lovely. That is usually when you end up regretting it the next day. And it is not on you, but the other partner, to understand that even if they feel drawn to you, you might not feel the same way. We need to stop normalizing the unwelcome touches, movements and kisses that we so often experience at parties, and yes, even at such fine institutions as SSE.